You Are What You Were Given
Early life experiences show babies how to deal with the world and what to expect from their primary caretakers. If there is hardly any response and no bond developed among them and their parents, one should not expect wonders, though many adults manage to lead their lives according to those faulty patterns of inadequate parenting. In a sense most of us are victims of poor parental choices and a cliche conscious parenting, so vogue these days. Less conscious types could be more driven by the biological need to have someone to love or fill in the void or treat the pain of life with a new life, or just give birth because they can, though, in general, children keep being the joy of many people’s lives, no matter how much the parents are making. On a side note, some couples, despite their savvy and intelligence, become much confused with their first born babies, even despite having read much about pregnancies and becoming ready to welcome the child with open arms. Those less preocuppied somehow manage to conceive (women of course) give birth and are naturally less preocuppied, simply take care of their business the way they should. Anyhow, what matters in the end, is how much love one is ready to give, but that is not the only thing. If you are feeling you are not actually ready for the challenge of raising a human being, just do not. You could control the world with the baby’s arrival, make your dreams come true, but if it was just incidental, then facing up to this enormous task requires a nice deal of effort on your part. Unfortunately many of those incidental parents are having trouble with themselves or their partners, and the baby’s upbringing is often hampered in the process while the two adults are busy navigating their lives and trying to smooth out some of their rough edges, set of beliefs and so on. Parenting a child in those circumstances feels like a lost cause to some, the results being disastrous for the child’s cognitive and emotional development that is largely written off.
If the child is overly controlled instead of shown enough love and flexibility in attitude and plenty of time devoted to him or her, or instant help with any developmental difficulties. What matters here is what kind of understanding of the world a baby will develop taught not through a consistent approach but in a slapdash manner with little on the side of warmth and more than just the physiological care. Though many children grow up with that little bits of maternity love that is satisfying enough for the psyche to become a fully adaptable adult, those quirky ways he or she was fed early on remain the core of their very character. Those with greater needs for affection and corrective treatment would struggle all their life with the unstable image of the world and difficulties arising from getting close enough to other people. One way to be in control is through demanding instant gratification and dislike for discomfort, in a way, these adults remain babies all their lives, with the unsteady inner image. The only way is through some deep reflection on your life and application of those to your daily functioning, which is quite a challenge. It is an intervention that could last a lifetime, as wounds go deep into a person’s psyche. Deprogramming is an intense effort, but it is not about suppressing the uglier part of your personality, something that is present in virtually everyone, just untangling the mess you have become, getting to the heart of the matter and seeing yourself through the new eyes. The process is lengthy and dificult to boot, once you also realize that all those other problems have always stemmed from it.